Note: I chose to write this entry with a great deal of trepidation. Why? Two reasons. First, because it’s been done to death. Second, and more importantly, by what I say below, many naturists would label me as not a real naturist, and part of the problem to maintaining the sex-nudity link that non-naturists think is all we are about.
I don’t like being judged, particularly by people who don’t even know me. But some will read this and judge me. That’s ok. I have thick skin and can handle it. So I’ll just say this: This blog, and particularly this post, was written by a naturist. Not a “so called naturist”. I’m a naturist who values respect, sees beauty in all bodies, and is fully able to disconnect sex with nudity. I’m not a swinger, I’m not an exhibitionist, I’m not out to shock or offend anyone. I’m actually quite reserved and conservative. This is just what I think on this particular topic. I ask people to respect that and withold judgement.
One of the most commonly asked questions by non-naturists is “what do men do when they get an erection”? The question on its own illustrates the inability of most non-naturists to disconnect nudity with sex. In other words, most would believe that “if men are nude around nude women, they’ll all be erect!” Wrong. Nudity by itself isn’t inherently sexual, not to a naturist at least.
However, it is on this topic that I differ with many more traditional naturists. They would tell you that, “it never happens”. Ok, that may be true, in their experiences. In fact, that may be true in most experiences. But I don’t agree that it’s true for everyone on all occasions. I’ll admit, my experience with formal naturist resorts and clubs is limited, for reasons that will become clearer momentarily. However, speaking for myself and my penis….it does happen….not always, but it does happen fairly often. Pretending it doesn’t, or assuming that if it does it identifies that man as less of a naturist, impure, or immoral…is to make the exact same fallacious argument that textiles have made about naturists for years — determining and subsequently condemning someone based on assumptions, misinterpretation, and preconceived notions. Just as you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t judge a man by his penis.
As most men can attest, erections occur for a variety of reasons, the primary of which is, admittedly, sexual arousal. However, they also occur for other reasons, some of which may be all but involuntary. They just happen. Is that fairly rare? Yes. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
Is an erection a naturist pariah? Should it be?
Speaking once again for myself, when I get nude as a means of relaxation or recreation, I often experience an erection, to some degree. Even if I’m alone or not thinking of anything remotely sexual, I can get an erection simply by undressing. Why? I don’t know precisely but I associate it with the enjoyment I take from being nude, the exhilaration. It’s a release. A demonstration of my happiness and enjoyment of the moment.
For years I was very self conscious of this. On one hand, I dreamed about the idea of being able to be casually nude, with others, in every day settings. But I figured it was unlikely to ever happen since I knew I’d quite likely be erect, for at least part of the time, on some level, and therefore rejected by all the “true naturists” in the group. Basically, they’d see me as a problem, a weirdo.
I found that frustrating to say the least. Wasn’t I a naturist? I thought I had found a lifestyle I identified with. I thought I found “my people”, at least in regards to this life aspect. On this subject, we agreed — nudity is a good, positive, and healthy thing. Yet I’m cast aside like some kind of pariah….because my penis isn’t completely flaccid?? Really?
I did all I could to conform to the naturist norm — “erections don’t happen, if they do you should try to get them to go away or hide them”. But my efforts to “will them” to fade never had much success. This only compounded my frustration. Here I was, once again, trying to comply with a norm I didn’t entirely agree with, imposed by others. This predicament sounded familiar.
I understood and still do understand the concerns of others. Naturist environments should be positive, healthy, and safe, for everyone. Would women feel those qualities with men walking around with erections? Probably not, particularly if they don’t know them, aren’t friends, and don’t know what’s going on in their minds. They’d have to wonder, “what’s this guys motive”? I certainly don’t want to impact someone else’s enjoyment of something I cherish so much.
But, what they feared…”that guy”….wasn’t, isn’t, and has never been, me. I wasn’t some guy on the prowl, encouraging the situation, wanting to “show off” the goods. I was just a budding naturist, excited about being able to be nude, like I had always dreamed of. Was that so wrong? I didn’t agree with the premise — a nude penis is ok, but a nude erect penis is bad. Could it be? Sure, in some cases. But not in mine.
Consequently, I had a choice to make. I could keep things to myself, as I had done for years, and stay in the closet. Initially, I did this. I felt like I had to. I couldn’t be open as a naturist….because apparently I was doing it wrong. I still sought out nude time, but only when alone, so as not to offend anyone. If I was erect, no one would see or know. But I didnt feel like I was doing anything wrong so I still felt frustrated. Why should I have to hide?!
I could also try harder to conform — hoping for the best but always being ready to hide “it” or get rid of “it”, an option that never seemed very effective. I tried it anyway, coming up with topics I could focus on to hopefully remove the tendency if I felt one coming on. I suppose I made some progress. But once again, I had a hard time with the premise — your erect penis needs to go away or be hidden. Why?
My final option was the path I chose — what happens, happens. Pretty simple. But that approach clearly has some risks. Not all naturists would concur with my laissez-faire approach and would likely reject me on sight. Agreed. But I thought maybe I could head that off at the pass.
Like I said, to me, an erect penis isn’t necessarily bad. But how are people to know just what your motivation is, who you are, what your story is? Answer — you talk to them about it. Like so many things in life, discussion and meaningful dialogue goes a long way towards solving problems, incorrect assumptions and misunderstandings. Talking helps.
A threat? A deviant? A problem? Yes….maybe. But, maybe not. Can you tell?
So, my additional step was, and is, to simply explain the situation and my thoughts to the people I’m around. I’m more at home with small groups. In these settings, I know them and they know me. There is a trust bond. That trust makes the difference. I simply discuss naturism, what it means to me, and my thoughts on erections. Then I get their thoughts. If they don’t mind, then that’s that. If they do mind or it makes them uncomfortable, I simply try my best to make it a non-issue. If unsuccessful, I get dressed. The comfort of my guests and friends is more important to me than my being nude. If I simply proceeded with the idea of “that’s their problem”, it wouldn’t help anyone. So I don’t. And so far, it hasn’t been a problem. Sometimes I have erections, but usually I don’t. They come and go. I certainly don’t encourage them, but I don’t hide them either. No big deal. No one seems to mind.
The result — naturist bliss. Gone is the worry, consternation and embarrassment. Replaced with joy, relaxation, and happiness. As the saying goes, “keep calm, it’s only a penis”.
So what do you think? Only looking for genuine comments and experiences. To my naturist sisters, could you be comfortable around a friend or family member if he was erect? I wouldn’t think it likely with total strangers. How does the bond of friendship impact your concerns or comfort level?